ARTICLES # ONE 4-26
The Clay Aiken Concert
By: Rachel Morris
"If I was invisible, then I could just, watch you in your room. If I was invincible, I'd make you mine tonight. If hearts were unbreakable, then I could just, tell you where I stand. I would be the smartest man. If I were invincible, wait I already am." These are the lyrics sung by one of the most AMAZING people of the HISTORY of American Idol. No, that person didn't win. In fact, if it hadn't have been for the Wild Card show, he wouldn't have even been in the Top 12. But, even though they came in 2nd place, their album "Measure Of A Man" went Triple Platinum. This person is Clay Aiken.
On April 16th, 2004 at a little past 7:30pm in the Excel Energy Center, Rachel Simmer and I sat down in our seats and prepared ourselves for one of the BEST concerts ever.
It started like a lot of concerts, the worst or the band that isn't as well known goes on first. Even though this concert featured two people, this rule did apply. The first, well, I wouldn't call them a "band" but there were four of them so whatever. These four girls that came out were all skinny, scantily clad, and were sisters. They were called the "Bueze Sisters." They were HORRIBLE!!! They couldn't sing a NOTE in tune. They were trying to harmonize but it didn't work. They asked the crowd things like "Do you like Disney" and "Do you like Lizzy Maguire" and they sounded and sang songs that were the worst thing my ears have ever heard. And let me tell you, I have heard Kenny sing in the shower Scary! The only cool thing that they did was they sang this song called "STOP! Stay Away From My Sister." Which was bad, but during it some guys came out wearing dresses (Kinda like the backstage crew for My Fair Lady!) They were funny. Then they went off and WE WERE HAPPY!!! Coming on next was what Rachel, Emily Iversen and I had come for CLAY AIKEN!!!
My legs couldn't stop shaking. Clay Aiken is breathing the same air as ME! Was running through my head. Clay came on through doors on the hockey rink of the Excel center. IT WAS SO COOL!!! He was almost right in front of Rachel and I. He stayed on the floor for a while, singing a song (I don't know the name, it wasn't from the album) and then he slowly moved to the giant stage at the head of the hockey rink. Rachel and I were both standing and screaming our heads off. There were more middle-aged women in there (cough* Emily's Mom* cough) then anyone else. Clay sang MANY songs. IN total, he did sing his whole album. Through all of this, Rachel and I were SCREAMING!!! I almost lost my voice and yet kept screaming. During the song Invisible I couldn't help but stand up and sing along. It was one of the most moving things I have ever been to or been involved with. I was almost crying during the song The Way and couldn't help but laugh when Clay tried to dance. He sang a duet with one of the background singers and the song came from Kimberly Locke's album, which is coming out soon. It was really good. Clay and the lady did this dance and they were dancing close and Clay's hands were on her ass. I SO WANTED to be her. Clay did Prince's song When Doves Cry that was REALLY GOOD!!! In an interview, he talked about how he was curious about how Minnesota would react because Prince is our "homeboy". Well, we reacted with great applause. The funniest part of the concert though was when Clay saw a girl in the front row that was holding a cell phone, and her friend was on the other line. Clay says "Are you talking on a cell phone at MY concert? Here, give me that." And he took the phone from her. He them started talking to the person, who was of course screaming, and told her that he was doing a concert and he should stop talking. IT WAS SO FUNNY!!! I loved it.
I was really sad when Clay had to go off. He had played for about 1-2 hours and through it all he had worn this really cute hat (WHICH I WANT.) Up next, Kelly Clarkson. She started off with the song Low. Which, all you Evanescence people, sounds pretty cool. Overall, she did pretty well. Though she did have to start over her songs a few times because she forgot them. But, oh well.
I bought a T-shirt and a program at the concert. On our way home we play Clay really loud and so were many people. If I could have shared my joy at the end of that concert, it would fill the world two times over.
The End
Sleep
A review by expert critic Emily Iversen
As summer roles around
and people have more free time many are looking into the entertainment industry.
One form of entertainment which is rapidly gaining in popularity is called "sleep".
So, the question everyone's asking, is sleep worth it?
Sleep started thousands of years ago when the first cavemen became tired and
bored. Og lay down his weary head and closed his eyes. He saw many frightening
images displayed on his eyelids and opened his eyes in fear. To his surprise,
many days had passed when Og had had his eyes closed, though it seemed like
no time at all. Og called this experience sleep and taught many cavemen of it.
Throughout history millions of years worth of time have been spent by people
sleeping. But was it worth it? Did they truly enjoy sleep?
In order to answer I slept for you. I found sleep to be a shoddily done piece
of work. I had only ONE dream for a full 17 HOURS of sleep. Scientists told
me I really had 5 but only remembered one. Honestly! If you went to a restarant
and someone gave you one scoop of ice cream, claiming you had already eaten
3 but just didn't know it would YOU believe them? Of course not! Sleep can be
summed up in two words: False Advertising.
Some ask, however, if that one dream was good enough to account for 17 hours
of sleep. No! It was completely plotless, full of random colors, screaming creatures
and general chaos. The charactors were shallow and I had no attachment to them.
For example, the boogie man. He is portrayed as your stereotypical villain throughout
the entire dream. Has the writer no creativity? Where is his soft side? The
dramatic reasons he chose to terrorize small children? WHERE IS THE PASSION?!
Shallow and one sided, he leaves the viewer empty. The entire dream was me being
chased by him through a long hallway. There is no motive to be running down
this hallway instead of sitting down for tea with the boogie man. The entire
thing is nonsensical and meaningless!
Of course, dreaming is not the only benefit of sleep. Many claims it leaves
them feeling rejuvenated and awaked. However, I doubt this is truly a benefit.
Think of all the things that make you feel awaked… speed, pot… all
of those have hidden costs! The only TRUE way to feel awake is caffine! Millions
die of sleep related cancers every day! So be smart- say no to sleep.
In conclusion, I give sleep -2 stars. It was the most boring waste of time I
have spent in my 3000 years as a critic!
Horoscopes
Aquarius (Jan 21- Feb 18):
This month will be loaded with crap for you to do. Rushing from place to place
you will soon discover that there is nothing to discover. The star of eating
is shining upon you- go have some peanut butter.
Pisces (Feb 19- March 20):
This month you will find new wisdom in the most beautiful thing you know of-
yourself.
Aries (March 21- April 19):
Try to avoid smelly people this month- they will ruin your naturally sunny disposition.
And use cottenelle for a cherrier posterior to further improve the good mood
you're in.
Taurus (April 20- May 20):
The stars tell me that you will doubt the scientific accuracy of this horoscope.
News flash: Science sucks. Stick to astrology, babe. Besides, would YOU trust
Mr. Olson with your love life? That's why you shouldn't think twice when I tell
you you will get a C on the pop quiz later this month. But don't worry- you'll
make up for it by wowing everyone with an awesome project on the secret life
of the ceiling asbestos.
Gemini (May 21- June 21)
You will fall over on the 22. But don't worry, you'll be caught by a guy. Not
uber hott, but not bad at all. You'll end up dating but it will take until early
next year because not everyone will see the beauty of your relationship. Namely,
his parents won't see the light. Then you'll awe them by baking them cookies.
Girly, but worth it.
Cancer (June 22- July 22)
Run outside and dance in the April showers this month. You will find that you'll
end up splashing a longtime foe in the face. The two of you will end up in an
epic water battle which will end your longtime feud- he looks mighty fine under
that shirt. The two of you end up making out in the middle of his lawn.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Start saving your money to go to valley fair this summer. You'll enjoy the rides
and music but will have even more fun when someone's gold necklace flies off
on the wild thing and you catch it. Keep it and pawn it for 100 bucks or give
it back and find a much greater reward.
Virgo (Aug 23- Sept 22)
The position of the planets grants you good luck until June. For the rest of
your month base all your decisions on the roll of a dice- the best decision
will automatically end up being rolled by your incredible luck. Also, go to
a casino. Choose randomly any answers to questions on tests- even if it leads
you to 2+2=87.6.
Libra (Sept 23- Oct 23)
Don't eat the school chicken nuggets in a week- you'll be home sick for a week.
However, if you listen to ME and skip them you will find that most of the school
is sick and so school is canceled for a full week anyways. Use this time to
laugh at all those losers who ate "chicken".
Scorpio (Oct 24- Nov 22)
Turn to the person nearest you in your third mod class and tell them you love
them. They'll think you're crazy, but next time they run into someone else they
think is insane they'll say "Go talk to HER, she's psycho like you."
You will find this is a great way to meet men who will find your creepy quirks
to be sexy.
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 21)
Some kid will randomly slap you in the hallway in a few days and then run off.
Chase him down to discover he mistaked you for the girl his girlfriend was cheating
on him with. Smile sweetly and listen to his pain in a supportive way and you
just might become his new girlfriend. Stay too long and he'll end up sobbing
in a creepy, girly way so high-tail it after 10 minutes of hardcore sympathy.
Or just take him to the gentlemen's lounge…
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 20)
You will run into an old man with creepy hair. Stomach your disgust and give
him the ultimate makeover. He will be so pleased he'll introduce you to his
grandson- one of the queer eye guys. Get him to give some one of the guys in
school a makeover so his confidence will grow and he'll dump his emotionally
abusive girlfriend… for you.
A Dude From the Distant Past...
It was third grade, which was usually
pretty fun- Jessica, Colleen, Cathie (and Siri) and I were all in the same class-
and we hung out. (Believe me, this does eventually relate to the present). Now,
however, was not a part of that. We were all bored out of our minds- our miniscule
attention spans crushed by the dull hammering of a filmstrip. *click* new slide,
more fascination. I wondered whether the film projector was from the stone age
and sighed at the thought of watching a movie instead.
Suddenly, a strange man from the mysterios other class appeared, unexplained.
Sporting a ghetto chain necklace and a high tech watch that could be set to
an alarm he was the hottest piece of third grade shortness that side of Dairy
Queen. "Emily and I have to go," Karl told the teacher smoothly. The
teacher nodded and I left the boring filmstrip- to return long after it's departure
from our classroom. "So," grinned Karl, raising one eyebrow, "I
saved you from a boring filmstrip." As any decent third grader would, I
swooned.
What Karl hadn't told the class was that we were not, in fact, going off on
a secret spy mission in the African Jungle. Nor were we going on a mid-day trip
to Valley fair. Not even to a dark corner to make out- if I'd have known what
making out was at the time. No, we were going… to speech therepy. Yes,
that's right, speech therapy.
Okay, I admit it, I was never able to say my L's or S's, so words like Love's
came out Wove'th. It was cute, but apparently not good enough to cut it according
to the school system. So, I had had to go to speech therapy since my entrance.
I actually physically could not figure out how to make sounds in the beginning,
and my family had hugged and celebrated when I had first learned to say "ZZZZZZzzzz"
(Z's also came out th). That, however, had been in the early days. Now they
were just trying to train me to use these new sounds without thinking. So, Karl
(who also had speech issues) and I went to speech therapy. We'd sit around and
play board games and if we used good speech through the entire game at the end
of the hour they gave us candy or stickers. So, we left the boring clases (usually
math) and came back with candy.
In case you couldn't tell from the beginning of the article, back then I had
a HUGE thing for Karl. I thought he was hott. Many people will be asking "What
made Karl so much better than the other third graders?" Well, he was nicer
to me than most of those immature, spit-ball throwing third grade freaks, and
he had an awesome watch that beeped. Mainly, though, I was fascinated by the
fact that he spoke in words I didn't know. If I HAD known I would have slapped
him. For example (and this is an actual conversation that did happen, exactly
as I remember it)…
"I really know how to turn you on," Karl half-smiled on the way back
from speech therapy.
I didn't know what on earth he meant by that, but I wasn't about to admit it.
"Yup," I blushed.
Tragically, Karl was put in the other class the next year as well, and speech
therapy ended. Actually, I was still supposed to have it but the school system
forgot about me. I technically never graduated and should still be there, since
I am apparently unable to speak properly. That doesn't change the fact that
Karl was gone. Eventually he disappeared all together. I assumed he had moved.
My little third grade heart? Not broken, actually. I shrugged it off after a
couple of weeks, and I would have forgotten anyways because in a few months
Jessica and I would begin an epic battle. That, however, is a totally different
story.
So, how does hott, perverted, ghetto-Karl relate to the present? Hey, Lindsay,
you know that Karl kid who sits behind you in health and in front of me? Yup,
that's Karl from speech therapy. Not quite as hott as I remembered… but
the moment I saw that name in front of mine it amused the heck out of me, and
I actually burst out laughing. Partially for my own personal amusement and partially
because I wondered if he would still be hott, I made the decision to spy on
Karl, for a while.
What did I find? He's not as hott as I remembered, actually, he's a computer
geek. I'm not hott and I'm a geek so I see this as more of a positive than a
negative. His friend gives me the impression that he will randomly beat me up
at a random moment- though I haven't ever spoken to the kid. I write it off
as my own personal paranoa, since I think half the school is going to beat me
up randomly. So, I came eventually to the conclusion that Karl is just what
everyone would assume- some random guy. It's not like I can judge someone off
how they were in third grade, and I obviously don't know him now so I leave
him in the same category as most guys- if I ever get to know you better, I'll
see then. However, I'm not going to run up and talk to you because I'm a shy
geek. So, I suppose I should clear up that I currently have no crush on Karl.
This story is only here to amuse y'all. However, because I knew him once in
my distant, overly trusting childhood I fear him slightly less than the average
guy.
"But didn't he MOVE?" you ask desperately. Well, I actually talked
to him today (but did not mention third grade. Niether of us has mentioned third
grade, and I do not know if he remembers me). Apparently, he never moved. He
just went to a private school for a couple years and now he's back.
"My parents didn't want me hanging out with those 'rich snobs' anymore,"
laughs modern-day Karl.
"My parents keep telling me they'd send me to private school if we were
richer, but as it is I'm stuck in this stupid underfunded place," I reply,
with an examining smile.
"Mel went to private school!" pitches in Lindsay, who was next to
me in the corner of the L she, Karl and I formed. Lindsay and I soon go back
to our normal conversation, which includes Karl on and off (more often off).
So, in conclusion, the love of my childhood is now the random unknown kid who
sits near me. The moral of the story? I like pickles.
A Quiz For the
Bored
By MalPal
It's 1720, and you are a warrior wo/man. This test will be answered according
to that mindset.
1) You're being attacked! You can choose whatever wepon you wish in a fight
to the death combat with your enemy's leader. you choose:
A) A Battle Ax Such a heavy wepon would crush your oppoenent's skull, and of
course, you have the strength to wield it.
B) A Posioned Dagger You fight hand-to-hand the best, and the sneaky posion
you made is fatal to everyone touched by it.
C) A Broadsword When it comes to blade-swinging, you'll go for the longest bit
of steel you know.
D) Your Feet Will take you as far away as fast as you can. Hey, at least you're
still alive!
2) You're trying to win a race across country. Which method do you use?
A) War Horse You're constantly on the lookout for traps on this race. You won't
be caught by surprise on foot!
B) A Lightweight Palfrey You're the type to go light, and this long-legged beast
is your choice
C) Your Feet You're a fleet person, and when it comes to running, you're by
far the fastest!
D) A Short cut Hah! While the others are slogging through the mud, you're sitting
at the finish line. Take that!
3) It's late at night in a town. you need a place to stay for the night.
You:
A) Go to a tavern All the people there know you as a respected warrior. You
get to stay there for free!
B) Stable No one will notice a dark shape in an empty stall, right?
C) Tent A good warrior always comes prepared, and when it comes to it, you're
one of the best.
D)Someone else's wagon The owner won't miss it. He's still asleep from the stuff
you convieniently slipped in his drink.
4) You have to leave the love of your life for awhile. To say goodbye, you:
A) Write him/her a poem to profess your love. Then, make out after they read
it.
B) Don't say a word You just kiss them, and that says it all. Your passion is
in your touch.
C) You leave them while they sleep Or you know you couldn't leave. When it comes
to it, you're a silent lover...
D) What? True love? I just pay off when I need some comfort!
5) What do you look for in a comrade?
A)A brave, honest Comrade Who you trust with your life.
B) Only people you work for even know you exsist. Oh, and a few choice others.
C) A comrade you can travel with and not get utterly sick of after a week alone
with them.
D) Hah! I'm EVERYONE'S friend! Until they find something missing.. Or, if they're
"in" with my hobby...
Mostly A) You're a brave knight/ess
who is brave, honest, ruggedly handsome/fiercely pretty, who has quick wits
and a steady hand. You're about the most loyal person your friends know, and
when you make a promise, it's done!
Mostly B) You're an assasin, a night stalker, a dangerous person. No one sees
just how handome/ graceful you look, for you're always in the shadows. You're
a sly person, and keep strickly to your morals. You're a smart person, and you
see both sides of things.
Mostly C) You're a fleet, traveling warrior doing the good of all. You're a
sunny person, and everyone generally likes you.You're a fast thinker, and fast
on your feet, and you ofton are on the move. Yo sometimes get ahead of yourself,
but when you do, you always try to make the comback.
Mostly D) You're a theif. You do what's best for you, and you don't make friendships
easily. But when you do, they're what keep you toeing the line. You'd die for
your friends, and they would do the same for you. you're a hero to some, but
can also be seen to others as annoying. And oh it's good to be that way!
Mostly a Mix of All) *blink blink* You're......special.
McDonald's Fast Food
Job Application:
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's
fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM!
NAME:
Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION:
Reclining. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.
If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes
LAST POSITION HELD:
A target for middle management hostility.
SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 - 3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 LBS?:
50 lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car
that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers' Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
Only when I'm set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE:
Scorpio with Libra rising.
Being Backstage
Through Tablean's Eyes
By Melemikocrissyembyer
"Shit, it's 3:00 already!" is usually the first words uttered by thespians
around 3:05 or so. A few mad dashing steps later, and you enter the not-so-serene
choir room of North Campus High School.
"Why did I have the feeling we were still the first people here?"
moans Alex Jewel, a yucky but surprisingly friendly and easy-to-hang with guy,
described as heavy weight, with acne and blue eyes.
And, ironically, even with your lateness you are among the first people in the
room.
"Mallory!" A voice hails you as you enter the choir room, extreamly
tired, and toting a heavy backpack and the love of your life, Pierre Antwon.
It's Jon Berress, described as black-dyed hair and blue eyes. "Where have
you been?"
"Sleeping," you reply. Actually, you just spent the last half-hour
lying on the cold floor, listening to Jewel, Jewel's girl-friend and her gang
all talking about Rough Riders, a kind of...water balloon. You got an estimated
time of zero minutes sleep.
"Oh, you tired?" Berress asks.
No shit, Shelock. What actually comes out: "Um, yeah. Late homework night.
You?"
"No."
"Ok-ay.."
You procede to lie back on the floor, and are just falling asleep when you hear
Berress, standing behind you, comment, "Hanes...Her...Way...Hey Mal, you
have dimples on the part just above your butt!!"
You TRY to ignore him.
Then a hand is stroking your hair.
"Jon, that's harrassment." You say, without opening your eyes.
"This isn't Jon."
You sit up to see Dan Whatshisface, a junior and on crew for My Fair Lady, squatting
next to your head and grinning.
"Oh, hey Dan!"
Berress: "Why don't you get pissed at him, and you do at me?!"
Dan: "Because she's my little sister!"
Which.....you're not. But Dan is awsome, so you let THAT little escapade pass.
He hauls you up on an offered hand, and you moan and groan your way to your
seat in the sopranos section along with the rest of the cast.
"I-ii sing A-Aaaaa to-daaaaaaaaaaaay." It's the Piano Lady, singing
and expecting us all to function and sing the stupid phrase back. Which, of
course, we do. It's typical warm-ups.
After crooning some other selected stupids ( "I loove to sing" "Aaaaeeeeiiiiooooooohhhhhh"etc.
etc.) you all pile out of the choir room and trundle through the back doors
of the stage to find a seat in the audience.
For your backpack.
Then, you hurry off with the rest of the girls to the dressing room, where you
strip down to your underwear in a room full of gorgously sculped and tanned
girls to pull on your Cockney outfits in rapid sucsession.
After that, you're out on stage, holding Pierre and making small talk, occasionally
playing Misty or Yackity-Sax to the amusement of your cast members.
"CURTINS OPEN!" It's the lovely, lovable Ms. B and Souja. Or, S&B.
Music is playing, and the curtins draw back.
Act One, Scene One isn't a bad scene, and you all think you've been putting
a ton of energy into your acting.
S&B: "WE NEED MORE ENERGY! AGAIN!"
Act One, Scene One, as if on hyper pills.
S&B: "GOOD!" (They never just say anything. They yell.)
Now, us ladies scurry off to the audience to wait for our next sceane.
Half an hour later, we're back in full Ascot, ohmyGodlookatthisfricken'hugehat
costumes.
"Every duke, and, earl, and peer is here.." we sing in unison, basses
and sopranos and between mingling to perfect harmony. But with the accents,
it sounds more like "Ev-ry duuke, andt, earel,andt, peyah, is heya.."
Now you have to hyper-dash back to the dressing rooms to get on your Ballroom
gown, a perfectly beautiful wine-colored sleeveless dress...and it's butt-ugly
fake-o rose-covered black velvet pullover. Wanna complain about it? You don't
dare say anything to S&B.
S&B: "WE DON'T WANT ANY DIVAS. IF WE GIVE IT TO YA, YOU'RE WEARNIN'
IT!"
You're wearing it.
You dance, you gossip, you get shunned by K.C., senior, playing a snobby Hungarian
language specialist. Then, the curtains close, and it's back to Cockney.
Now there isn't enough time to go back to the audience. Instead, you go outside.
Your super-spinny skirt is awsome to, well, spin in, and you whirl and twirl,
being thankful for the biking shorts you wear beneath. Then, Karen, Megan, and
you walk away from the rest of the off-duty cast members and you talk about
boys and stuff, occasionally yelling out "Midol!" or "Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles!", refusing to tell anyone else why.
After a few moments of sheer freedom, you're back on stage.
You have two whole lines. You say them, dance around like a fool, then exit
the stage for the coolness of the outside for another few minutes.
And finally, you return inside for the finale and curtain call.
S&B: "NOTES EVERYONE!!!"
Sitting onstage, you go through ten minutes of yelling and demands that you
raise your performance level. You listen pationtly, and when they've finished
talking, you continue to the ladies' dressing room. But, the door is left open,
letting three of your male cast members have a peep show until someone notices
the door is WIDE OPEN.
Going home is a relief. Your bed feels like a puffy little cloud. Even your
homework is a welcome relief. Well, not quite, because by now, it's 11:30 and
you have an hour's work of math and science left.
As you fall asleep at one or so in the morning, you ask yourself, "Why
the hell am I doing this?"
Subconciously, you know. It's because you love the fricken' theater, and no
one's sayin' otherwise.
Chaos
By: Chunkamunka
Prologue
The Sun glared down unto the vast emptiness and frowned. The Sun became angry. “Why must I, the most powerful being in universe, have no kingdom?!” the Sun roared. The Sun then threw a frightening rage. The Gentle Moon then came to calm The Sun, but in The Suns rage he Shattered The Gentle Moon in to a thousand pieces.
When The Sun finally came to his scenes, he saw what he had done and wept big golden tears. When each tear hit a piece of The Gentle Moon, it transformed. The largest chunks became the planets and the smaller ones turned into children.
CHAOS
“Chaos! Get back here, you brat! You won’t get away with this!!” Desire shouted just as Chaos rounded the corner. Chaos laughed then yelled back “Hahahaha! C’mon, catch me if ya can! But with your gigantic ego weighing you down, FAT CHANCE!!!”
Desire’s face became a dark shade of red. Her minion’s eyes flashed and its fur became dark and stormy. Then suddenly---
Chaos jerked awake. As he stumbled out of bed, he tripped over a pile of junk (old dishes, clothing that was so dirty it was crawling across the floor spelling out the words WASH ME, magazines, etc.), tumbled forward, and fell down the stairs. Unfortunately, Chaos had left the gigantic mace he had won gambling the night before at the bottom of the stairs. One spike speared Chaos through the brain and another got him through the heart.
As Chaos got up and started to pull the mace out of his head, he mumbled (as well as he could with a giant spike going through his face) “That could have been a disaster if I were mortal…” Once the spikes were out, Chaos waited a few seconds for the blood to run clear and his face (and heart) to rebuild.
Chaos smiled broadly. He was a god, though not a very important one. There were four classes of gods. The first and most important class was the gods that controlled the elements and nature. The second most important gods were gods of minor things that had to do with nature (like morning dew, rainbows, etc.) Chaos himself belonged to the third class of gods, the ones that controlled major human emotions (the ones humans feel most often-greed, hate, sadness, confusion, and so on). The fourth class (the least powerful class) controlled minor human emotions. Some of the minor emotions were really major emotions, but mortals get so confused about what they are really feeling.
Each god, no matter how powerful, got his/her own domain. The fourth class got the smallest places, and the fist class got the biggest. Chaos had a moderate sized kingdom that looked a lot like what mortals might imagine as Hell. Most of it looked like a fiery, desolate, wasteland. The other part was chaos put in forest form. There were things like pine trees that grew rice balls, peach trees with pine cones, rocks that had a different poem engraved in them everyday, etc. Chaos had a giant castle with a moat filled with lava. It had a total of 308 floors (100 below ground, 208 above ground). Most of these floors were in one giant tower, where Chaos lived on the very top floor. The scary part about that was the fact that the tower was leaning over to one side at an angle.
Chaos then admired himself in the mirror, looking at the spot where the spike had been going through his face and sneered. Chaos always liked to prove how superior he was to mortals. He also liked to see how much better he looked than mortals (the mortals are human by the way).
Chaos had always thought his best features were his catlike ears and fangs. His tail was also something he really liked, because it was as flexible as a monkeys tail, but had a handsome tuft of red hair at the tip like a lions tail.
He had a few long stands of blue hair that fell right in front of his ears. Chaos braided them then headed off to the kitchen for breakfast.
COOL Math Problem
From Morris
1. Grab a calculator.
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
The number that you get SHOULD be your phone #. I think that this is COOL!!
I tried it with MY number and then with random people's numbers and it works
the same for all of them.
Understanding Rents.
By M. E. T. Heinz
Parents. Freaks. Over-protective mind controllers. Perfect...(? I dunno...maybe
for someone.) Rents.
All of these describe the two (or three! heh heh...Mountain Dew Song...heh..heh..*looks
around at all the weird glances that are being received* nevermind.) people
who brought us into the world.
All of these phrases also describe a strange race which we will never really
understand...but fear not, scientists (a.k.a. Tableans and their respective
sisters) are deciphering these strange words, phrases, common sayings our parents
use to bring you:
The Unofficial, Totally Logical Yet oh-so-crazy
Dictionary and Lesson Plan to Parents!
Lesson A) When a parent gives you the look you do the RIGHT THING. (i.e. Clean
your room, do the dishes, stop throwing cats out windows, mooning your neighbor's
grandmothers...etc.)
Lesson B) When a parent says something akin to "We know it's there,"
or "We'll think/talk about it" when you really ReallY REALLY want
that something, (and you want your daddy or mommy-dearest to buy it for you)
that translates to "No."
Lesson C) When a parent is looking tired, sick, headache-y, or something else
equally out of the norm (unless that IS the norm) you undoubtedly STAY OUT OF
THE WAY or you give them hugs.
Lesson D) Parents like hugs.
Lesson E) Parents are nosey. So when they ask- no, BEFORE they even ask where/what/when/who/how,
you tell them everything you want them to know. Notice the keywords, "everything
YOU want them to know."
(i.e. "Mom, I'm going to a party at Greta's. We won't drink beer, smoke
weed, or bother the adults." REAL STORY: "We're gonna hang out with
the cuties who HAPPEN to stop by, watch Anime, dance real close (to boys) and
swear a little.")
Lesson F) Good grades don't come easy to most of us. So tell your parents about
that B- or C or D or F BEFORE it comes in the mail. BELIEVE me. It helps.
Lesson G) On friends. Unless you want your rents to become like mine....tell
them GOOD things about your friends. SING THEIR PRAISES. If you ever get in
a fight with a friend, don't make MY mistake and TELL your parents about the
spat. Just smile and put it behind you and for heaven's sake make-up already!
(No Title)
I'm not promising anything
I'll try
I can't lie to you
I'll try
I would never try to hurt you
I'll try
I don't want you to feel bad
I tried
I want you to know that it isn't your fault
I tried
I want to thank you for being there
I'm sorry
I failed
--Gil--
Thanks for the articles, it has been succesful this time and it might be nice to get into routines, like you always write in one subject?